Yeah.
I know.
It's crazy expensive. Yeah.
Today my father told me that I needed to write a letter to every Admissions director guy at every university I have applied to, explaining "what makes us Berkowitzs so poor".
How could anyone ever take this task seriously?
I mean, writing a letter explaining how you think your family are so poor compared to other people is not a common topic of writing.
However, I came up with a really convincing letter.
Dear Financial Aid guy,
THE BERKOWITZ FAMILY ARE POOR.
Here are the reasons why Rachel Berkowitz should receive a generous amount of financial aid:
Here are the reasons why Rachel Berkowitz should receive a generous amount of financial aid:
- The lock on the bathroom door in the Berkowitz household has been broken for almost two years and no guests are able to use the bathroom if they want privacy. They simply can’t afford to buy a new lock.
- In order for Rachel Berkowitz to go out the house, she is normally forced to take a bus. A single tube journey is unaffordable for Rachel.
- Rachel’s brother, Stevie B, has started to wear his mother’s jeans due to his sudden male-teenage-growth. Shopping for new clothes is out of the question.
- The Berkowitzs have one of those old TVs that look like a hand painted black cardboard box. And it’s not even theirs. They got given it by their relatives as a sympathy gift.
- Mike Berkowitz was contemplating setting up a “Feed the Berkowitz” charity fund, but then he realised he’d have to purchase charity logos in order for his case to be verified. To do that, he must take the tube. Again, out of the question.
- Rachel does not own straighteners. Rachel has no laptop. Rachel is still on pay-as-you-go. Rachel relies on food provided from her synagogue as her weekend lunch. Rachel has not shopped for new clothes in over seven months. Rachel can not afford to read weekly, or even monthly trashy magazines. Rachel will never have a driving lesson. Rachel will never own a car. ((The normalities of a feminine teenage life are wholly absent.))
- The Berkowitz family have never gone skiing.
- The Berkowitz family do not own a car. Shocking right?
- Deborah Berkowitz eats salad as her staple diet due to the expenses of British meat and carbohydrates.
- The Berkowitz family will go/do/say/eat ANYTHING for freebies. “Do you support Chelsea?” *We support Tottenham, you idiot, we are Jews* “YES! Favourite team ever!! Free tickets to their game and VIP lounge with all you can eat buffet? Don’t mind if we do!”
- Mike Berkowitz has not bought a new briefcase in thirty years. Stuff falls out. All the time.
- Mike Berkowitz travels two hours every Sunday to buy bagels from the East End as they are 27p cheaper than those from Waitrose.
- The only things the Berkowitz family can afford in Marks and Spencer are the swiss milk chocolate bars. Those are always good days.
- Rachel Berkowitz can never print out her essays at her own house. The cost of paper in bulk has simply become too expensive.
Lusms!
Rachel x
well, my dad laughed.
