Magical Baby Lotion

So recently, I had a major starring role in a YouTube parody of “Call Me Maybe” 

Not really, I’m just the main “cover” of the video.  --->

Yes, it happens to be lesbianic activity, but...

1. We did it to shock teachers as a final leaving HOLLA
2. We’re best friends and, no, sorry fellas, it is not a full out snoggalicious kiss
3. It’s sexy

There’s one gay teacher at our school, with a partner and kid, and he isn’t afraid to wear pink and demonstrate his ‘camp abilities’ around our all-girls school, which I think is great.  However, he feels particularly strongly about both gay men and lesbians.

So when he watched this video, he muttered to the teacher next to him (extremely audibly for many girls around him to hear), 

“I can’t BELIEVE there’s an out-there lesbian couple in the year! I had no idea!” with a huge grin the size of a cloud (?) on his face. 

Yadda yadda shut up Rachel it’s no biggie if a random gay teacher thinks you’re a lesbian right?

                                No. And here is what makes this situation hilariously awkward:

L)    He is the deputy head teacher of our school. He therefore promotes the school in many various ways, and, to him, this “lesbian sixth form couple” would be a solid promoting method for enticing those parents who are liberally hippie and wish for their child to be in an open-minded environment. 

E)   He happens to show visitors around our school all the time, particularly snooty, important deputation men and women. 

S) Emilie and I are always together

B) Cos we’re best friends yeah

I) We really like to exercise together. Like have sex.  As in play tennis together and go to the gym. 

A) So, last week, we were in the gym, getting all sweaty from running. And because a gym is a personal school environment, we felt safe to take off our shirts and carry on exercising in just our bras and short shorts.  

N) And guess who happens to walk in showing around a visitor?  Yes.  HIM.

                      But the worst thing is, 

              we had no idea he was there in the gym with us as we were facing the wall. 

       A girl present in the gym had to tell us after he had left. She said he had been standing there solidly for ten minutes with the visitor whilst gawking at our nakedness and “apparent sexytime”.  Coincidentally my bullet points spell out lesbian. That's really very funny. ha.  ha ha. HA

The next day, we bumped into him in the corridor. Emilie and I had just been having sex playing tennis and she was handing me her racket as we bumped into him, so he blatantly thought we had been holding hands. He smiled broadly at us and gave us a creepy ‘I-know-you’re-gay-and-that’s-cool-cos-I-am-too’ look, and we ran out of his sight faster than you could say dildo. 

Looking back, we probably shouldn’t have run away, as he would assume that our run was a ‘we-are-running-away-because-we-have-done-something-sexual-and-we-know-that-you-know-and-now-we-are-running-because-it’s-awkward’ But ah well. On the bright side, I bought magical baby lotion. 

It has special drugs in it that make babies fall asleep soundly at night. 

It’s a really fun game to put it all over my body in the morning and see how long I can stay awake for. 

The smell of the lotion is particularly enticing. I miss it when I don’t have it on.  I put it on every day.

                                      And if I don’t have it on one night     I      get      urges. 

                Some might say this lotion procedure has turned into a drug addiction but others may say that I am the perfect Johnson’s baby lotion baby.  

Whatever you think it is, you can tell me but I’ll probably be asleep.