‘What is an axolotl?’ one might ask.
I shall then point out an A3 picture of an axolotl pinned above my bed and one shall stare. For at least a few minutes. And then say,
‘Is that like...computerised? That’s not real Rachel. Are you an idiot?’
Oh yes. Like I’d really make up a flipping animal and send it to the metro to publish.
Adding that to my to do list though.
Yes. You better believe it. It’s real alright. Yes it looks like a neopet. Yes it looks like it is see-through and glowing. Yes it looks like a fucking alien.
And those are the precise reasons why I have it on my wall.
Only available in Mexico they say. By they I mean scientists. By scientists I mean Wikipedia.
Have no fear axolotls, Rachel WILL find you. Hunt you down. Touch you. Feed you. Gwahajkhjdsnkj
Luckily I didn’t have to travel far. And I didn’t have to do it myself. In fact, I didn’t have to do anything at all.
My flexible friend Danielle decided to buy one herself. Assuming this would be an incredulous task (assumption made by biology teachers themselves), Danielle proved to the world that anything is possible when you just believe. And by believe I mean type in ‘buy axolotl london’ on google. Don't get too excited now, I will never use colours again.
Fifteen pounds poorer, axolotl in bag, with tank then installed into maison, Danielle Tang was the first and proudest axolotl owner in the whole of the peopleintheworldIknowandtalkto.
Deciding on a name was the fun part. Axolotls, living in Mexico and all, were assumably Aztec pets. -I just made that up- Henceforth, we looked up Aztec names for a good few hours. One great one we found translated into English as ‘Fire Navel’ but Danielle decided on one that meant ‘Face’, as Danielle simply loves faces of various colours, sizes, shapes and forms. And with that, Danielle christened her axolotl by the name Ixtili.
Surviving off blood worms and other slimy shit, the axolotl grew and swam spastically around Danielle’s tank for happy months. When I visited Ixtili, I wanted to dive into the filthy green, murky tank and swim along with it. Ixtili’s movements fascinated me greatly, just like fascinating moving objects.
Sadly, just last week this axolotl passed away. Let’s hope it wasn’t the flash photography that caused it’s death. Fame takes away lives eh?
Danielle buried her little treasure in the garden and I cried. The axolotl was the only animal I have ever cared for in my whole life.
-------- Two minute silence please. --------
Apparently they are supposed to have a life span of fifteen years says the internet. PAH!
Ixtili lived the happiest life. We miss her from this world already. Ixtili, if you’re reading this, we love you. And appreciated you so much.
Thank you for putting such excitement and happiness into my life.
R.I.P
נוח על משכבך בשלום
reposer en paix
Er ruhe in freiden
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